Google is the worst thing to happen to self esteem since Seventeen magazine. The irresistible urge to know any and all details of someone you are curious about usually comes at 2:30 in the morning when you’ve given up the dream of having well rested skin in the morning and a less than totally psychotic mind. According to my history my most common searches include things like: “best drugstore...
THINGS THAT MAKE ME CRABBY Tangled Necklaces People who follow a status update/posted photo with “sorry not sorry” Bad tippers Getting called into work Being one ingredient short of the perfect sandwich People who don’t say “thank you” Pushy and impatient people WHY NONE OF THIS REALLY MATTERS: Because I am not the center of the universe.
Anonymous asked: How do you fold a quilt?
I am afraid to talk to you because my hair grows too fast and I worry you will forget my birthday I am nervous to kiss you because my teeth are all adult and I sleep in too late I am shakey to lay next to you because I failed algebra and I don’t always do the dishes I am excited to see you because your hair is like a birthday party and I want to tell you everything I know I...
Your watch was on backwards and birds made nests in your sisters backyard You brushed my teeth and i tried not to drool when my hands fold they are saying they are hungry, too that every plant has a purpose and children need not forgiveness How do I explain to you the sickening feeling of exposure the crooked way a person can take your hair and wrap it into a bun that will teach you ...
When we were 13 your dog befriended a turtle we found. I watched you hold it’s tiny shell, your hands were young. Immaculate. Like nothing had ever happened to them. Like you had never carried anything beyond your ability. He turned the light off and I could hear his socks press on the oak floor. Creaking towards a bed we shared. “he isn’t going to leave me here?” I wondered in my sleep. ...
In all of her life she had never seen an orange that shape. Nestled in layers of fruit that made every bit of sense, she found her hands touching each orange. Her hair wasn’t the color it should be, or was, or would one day be. She missed all of the friends she never had. Missed a mother who knew her favorite story and a sister who could braid her hair just right. As simple as setting...
The people sitting next to me are talking about Cabo. I don’t really understand where Cabo is. In fact, I don’t really understand what it is but I think It’s a city. They’re talking about going on cruises. This man seems to have been on multiple cruises. He’s now talking about California. “For $180 roundtrip it’s a great deal” he tells his company. I don’t believe that it’s $180. The...
I saw a guy holding a bouquet of ranunculus and walking towards me while I walked Vern. Considered grabbing them out of his hands and running but realized Vern would be the worst Clide and would probably hold our shit up for too long or worse dance out of his harness and run away forever to live with a weird old woman who makes beaded eyeglass chains. Choices. Life choices.
BE HAPPY :)
Take the dog to the park Rewatch your favorite movie Drink coffee Eat bananas Hula Hoop Read anything Walk Make a little pillow Sing Nap Stretch
My right foot is asleep. I can hear my neighbors listening to, what I think, is techno music and laughing.
$2 bills were made to track sailors spending habits.
I am afraid of heights. And of forgetting to lock the door. Turn off the iron. Close the gate. Feed the cat.
You cannot play a harmonica under water.
Every person I’ve ever had a conversation with I have briefly fallen in love with.
She whistled a song she had heard only once. She vaguely remembered the chorus. Many months had gone by since she had talked to him. Sometimes that made her brain sleep better and at other times it made her feel humiliated and lousy. One time she stole a pen from a travel agency. She was there to look at an apartment for rent. The realtor was also apparently a travel agent. He was not...
I WOULD LIKE
THINGS I WOULD LIKE: A lifetime supply of homestyle popsecret microwavable popcorn. To visit Hawaii A place to rest my hat A new tape recorder with handle A pair of Jelly shoes in ruby red sparkle with a little heel To be confident I spelled “heel” correctly
and all we’ve ever wanted was a glass to pour our water in. A hill to climb up top of. A hand to touch our hair and a mouth to kiss our ribs. We are all walking through our pillowcases & practicing our autograph. And all I can do is take a nap. Wake up and feel all that salt in the air and dig my feet into sand I’ve felt many years ago. What a lonely miserable beautiful...
Today I had the option of buying a solid black apron or a crazy floral frilly pocketed apron. At first I wanted to be the type of person who wears a solid black apron but after thinking it over I realized I am totally not the type of person who wears a solid black apron. Those women smell like mint and wake up at 7am every morning. They have visited Amsterdam and studied abroad. They have art...
When I was a girl I would orchestrate impossible endeavors. Save the ants campaign! Whirling in my mind how difficult it would be to try to prevent the human race from squashing ants in their backyard, or on their way to work. Then one time I convinced myself the red berries on the bush in my backyard were raspberries and I told all the neighborhood kids my family came from a long line of...
You do not exist.
coketalk: At any given moment, you do not exist. Your body exists, temporary though it may be. Still, you are not your body. You are merely an electrochemical process of your body. The continuity of your separate self is manufactured every few milliseconds by a hunk of warm grey meat between your ears. In the time it takes you to read this sentence, your brain has created you a thousand times,...
All my friends are ghosts. And I don’t recognize myself with my hair down. Took two baths in one day. I won’t skip breakfast. Everyone is at a party. I’m drawing in the kitchen. Pretending I know how to fix a sink.
COLD EARS & I AM NOT A PLAGIARIST (but I did have...
When your ears are cold. They may as well be a scrap of cardboard. Stiff and obstinate. Useful but unlikable. Losing friends. Being disliked. To carry the responsibility of everyone else’s emotions is a curse that will poison any bright spot in yourself. And still, so many of us devote a majority of our energy to trying to sustain the world at large. Being unliked sucks. There is no...
Anonymous asked: SEVEN REASONS YOU SHOULD REACH OUT TO EVERY PERSON EVER - can you please explain to me why you take credit for the zooey deschanel quote on number 7.. to people who do not know it is by her.. it can be very misleading. and i hope i am not coming off as a meanjean but i'm mildly offended at the plagorism..
I AM FLAWED
The most compelling part of love is that it penetrates all of our surface identities. It speaks to the parts of ourselves that cannot be obviously seen or understood. It whispers to our bones and sings to our heart. And when love is truly given selflessly it changes who we are as people. Love is not an easy emotion. It is complicated and woven with difficulties and fears. It has shadows...
I hid under the baskets And I knew exactly how to be like you And we were a million times bigger Than we are now Or then You sat on the cold linoleum with me head hung over a porcelain bowl And comforted me It is in those moments That love exists I am lucky I am lucky And I took my socks off And felt all the life Scattered on the floor Like tiny rocks and sand And wiped them...
I'VE BEEN GONE BECAUSE I'VE BEEN WORKING ON... →
It made sense, too. I guess. I mean, it made sense in the same way spending money to make money makes sense. It made sense in the same way buying identify fraud protection makes sense. It made sense like wearing a sweater inside because the AC is too high makes sense. Unimaginative poison. Gloomy shadows and tired eyes. I don’t like sweet perfume. But i love arnold palmers. How...
I don’t know the color of my hair any more My hands are more like hers than his but my nose widens every time I blow out my birthday candles water in empty buckets cats napping dry flowers and calendars
Lovely birds and cats, I haven’t forgotten about you. I still have bumblebees in my heart. It’s just that I’ve started an all female newspaper in my hometown and have been busy playing shows and organizing the paper. Forgive me. I have the next three days off. I’ll write you letters. xo, a
Something is leaning against the wall. Something is on a horizontal surface that...– Lisa Radon, Review http://www.lisaradon.com/themineking/ (via desireandconsequence)
According to all redbox movies the apocalypse is full of zombies and mutants that terrorize the streets looking for basic survival needs like food, water and shelter. They’re heavily armed and usually the only two people left on planet earth happen to be unreasonably attractice, young and romantically involved. Let me give ya a little look at what the apocalypse looks like to...
IF I HAD A NICKEL FOR EVERY TIME....
I forgot to buyoneingredient for dinner. I set a glass of water next to my bed assuring myself that I wouldn’t knock it over first thing in the morning and then proceeded to knock it over first thing in the morning. I got unreasonably crabby while detangling a necklace chain. I spent my last dime on a new dress with a whole week until my next paycheck. Dropped my phone in the toilet. ...
I’m thinking of a number between one and fifty. I can’t swim backwards. I forgot how to spell. Pigeons are regal. Your phone calls are like spilled milk. I wish I could cook you dinner. I don’t smile anymore. I’m happier than you. I watched four movies. I called in sick to work. I parked without paying. I wish I had a tent. Write me more often. I love you very...
“I tried to count your eyelashes last night.” “I always imagined eyelashes as being exactly even on each side” “Not so” “Well then how many?” “24 on the left. I got to 19 on the right but then the kettle whistled so I had to stop” “were there a lot more to count?” “yes. I’d guess 11 more” If you...
A small hand and a giant sink of water. Clean sheets and a very small bouquet. I remember those moments like little holidays. Ice cream sandwiches and bathing suits. Your hair pulled back into a pony tail and you knew nothing about being lonely. The fine lines that surround the corners of your eyes now. Evidence of years of smiling. Your car broke down so you took a ride from someone you...
WHY I'M NOT OBLIGATED TO FLATTER YOU
MAN AT BAR: Let me buy you a drink ME: No thank you. I appreciate the gesture. MAN AT BAR: What are you too good? Actual me answer: No, not at all. MAN AT BAR: Okay, whatever. What I should have said: Actually yes. And the only reason I am too good is because I have half a brain and realize there is no such thing as a free drink. And maybe I just don’t want my night to be interrupted...
Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone...– Veronica A. Shoffstall, “After a While,” 1971 (via killheji)
FEELINGS THAT NEVER GET OLD
Laughing so hard you cry The first moment you get into a warm bath Unpinning your hair after working all day Misting your face with tea tree rose water A first kiss A one thousandth kiss Matching your liquid eyeliner perfectly to the other eye A cat purring loudly next to you as you fall asleep Taking your boots off after walking around Putting an outfit on for the first time Freshly...
I’ve felt your hand and I have been very thirsty for water after a long nap. Dogs barking like choruses and I am still such a child. Smushing cakes and laughing. I am not as simple as that darkness can make me feel. Tie my shoe. That’s how I know you love me.